theJEDMAN NATION-A New Wave Manifesto

Documenting the JED Experience

Monday, December 23, 2002

I'm in so much pain. I hurt so bad. The whole world has devestated me. All of this is because I am not with Shakira. Shakira is the goddess of theJEDMAN's true happieness. The love I have for Shakira is so powerful. All of this love is being impeded by geography, record companys, body guards, fences, brick walls, cement, military, etc. Shakira is an absolute South American goddess hot babe singer preformer chick. theJEDMAN is a nimrod from Overland Park. We are meant to be together. How much more can theJEDMAN take. The pain of absent love is incredible. Venga Shakira, venga. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 8:02 PM

theJEDMAN tipped the scales at Bally Total Fitness today naked at 201. He is 1 pound from the goal. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:53 PM

Dumb things theJEDMAN has seen at Bally Total Fitness: I was riding the exercise bike, when a woman got on the bike next to me. She was drinking a big designer coffee while riding the exercise bike. Gee, exercise takes water out of you system. Caffine takes water out of your system. This sounds like the road to dehydration to me. Plus, she was talking on her cell phone the whole time without a hands free device. This is very dangerous.......I was getting into my car after Championship workout, when I noticed a large amount of McDonalds and Burger King bags on the floor board of the car next to me. Plus, there were many empty cigarrette boxes as well. This is not reflective of the healthy lifestyle. I eat at McDonalds about twice a year just to keep our pop culture alive.....One time I was in the parking lot and a guy was there in his truck, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarrette before his workout.....These are all true. I didn't make them up. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:52 PM

Friday, December 20, 2002

The JEDMAN's revenge was humiliated in the Jason's Heros fantasy football league playoffs first round by a tally of 159-81. It was a devestating loss for theJEDMAN. He is crushed. He might quit the game. Poor JEDMAN. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 5:48 PM

I've been destoying teenagers at checkers. I beat them bad. I beat them so bad that I'm looking for different ways to win. I set up double jumps. I set up triple jumps. The other day I had 10 kings on the board. I lengthened the game that way to make the defeat more devestating. I just cat and moused the guy to death. I could have taken him a lot earlier than I did, but I wanted to humiliate my opponent.I'm like 137-0 against teenagers at checkers this year. I'm awsome. I'm theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 5:41 PM

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

I had a party for some clients. They are all hispanic and we played a game of international football. I was in goal for my team. I'm not bragging, but I'm a big time goalkeeper. Some of my nicknames have included: Clearing Kick, Hands of Stone, Face of Stone, Motion Commotion, etc. It was a well battled international football contest. Part of my game, is to kick the ball at the players on the other team as hard as I can in an effort to smash them, because intimidation is the name of the game. I even connected a power kick off the face of an opponent. This is the ultimate smashing to break a will.Throughout the game, I continued to smash them and smash them to break their will. This worked well as I scored two goals from my goalkeeper position It was an awesome display of tremendous power, agility and skill that was designed to crush and smash the opponent to break their will. I was awsome. I am awsome. I am theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 8:22 PM

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Every other day, I have this big break for lunch and planning. Since it is winter and my lakeside lunches have been curbed do to the cold. So, I've been going to my office in the building where I don't serve any clients. I don't have a lot of stuff in there and the computers are not very accomodating most of the time, so I'm often just hanging around until my next client meeting. Well, I was walking around the building and I discovered the workout facility. I knew it was there, but I didn't realize how good it was. So, now during this time, I can do some working out. I'm going to be huge. This idea is very dangerous for the body building communities in SoCal. I'm going to be huge.With this addtional workout time, I'm going to be huge.I'm going to be so sculpted that I'm going to have to shave my body hair. I'm going to be huge. I doubt if I'll be hanging in the midwest much longer. I'll be heterosexual and working out in SoCal for competition. I'm going to be huge. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:32 PM

Thursday, December 12, 2002

I was in one of my buildings today. I work in other people's rooms or offices. In this particular room, the desk drawer of my colleague was open. Iniside, I noticed a stockpile of Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies. There were so many of them. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen so many oatmeal cream pies in one place before. I didn't think she would miss one. Well, I chowed 11 of them in one sitting. Acutally, I snarfed them all in about 5 minutes. I haven't been eating a lot lately, because I'm trying to reach the magical JEDMAN weight of under 200, so this Oatmeal Cream Pie binge made me a little ill. I wanted to purge but I didn't. I taught my class and felt very ill the rest of the day. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 9:43 PM

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

The Revenge is in the playoffs! That is theJEDMAN's Revenge is fanstasy football playoff bound. In a 14 team league, the Revenge finished 8-6. That might not sound like much, but it is a new season baby. The Revenge started out 5-2. Then, the Revenge lost 4 of its next 5, before winning the last two games. The Revenge is hot. They could run the table and win the grand prize of $50,000. The Revenge is in a high stakes league. We have lots of TV money. This is a great day in the history of the Revenge franchise. The Revenge will crush all openents in route to the league title. The Revenge is awsome. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 4:44 PM

Monday, December 09, 2002

I went to Bally the other day and I committed a classic JEDMAN. I wore my jeans over my workout shorts. Up on the exercise floor, I took my jeans off. To do this I had to remove my shoes. When I removed my shoes protruding out of my sock on my right foot was my big toe. This was a class move by theJEDMAN. The babes on the workout floor had to be impressed with the gaping holes in my socks. This is one of the dumbest things I've ever done. However, this was not one of the dumbest things that occured at Bally on this day. While I was putting on my shoe to conceal the hole in my sock, I noticed this guy standing on the running track swinging a golf club. He was swinging a golf club on the track with people running by. That seems like danger to me. This was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. The man put the club down and went to do some exercise and then came back to swing the golf club. This was the dumbest thing that I've ever seen. I don't understand people who do non-equipment using exercises at the workout facility. All the time, one can see people doing push-ups, sit-ups on the floor, etc. For all the money it costs to go to the gym, there is no reason to do exercises that you could do in front of the TV. Swinging a golf club can be done at home. It would have been great if the dude had clocked a jogger on the track as they ran by. BAN all non-equipment using exercises from the gym now. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:19 PM

Sunday, December 08, 2002

SWIFT(notice how his name is in all CAPS) went with me to the professional american football contest on the eighth of December. He made the sacrifice. This was quite a feat of shear mental strenghth. Usually professional american football contests take up around six hours. Those of you that know theJEDMAN, know that six hours with theJEDMAN is a long time. It takes a lot of mental stamina to endure the mental punishment that theJEDMAN dishes out. TheJEDMAN is annoying, irritating, overindulgent, and just plain dumb. SWIFT put up with me all day for six mentally crucifying hours. SWIFT is the greatest. SWIFT stepped up to the plate. SWIFT hit a home run for theJEDMAN as if theJEDMAN was dying in a hospital bed. SWIFT is awesome.SWIFT is the greatest, theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:06 PM

Saturday, December 07, 2002

I don't spell everything correctly and I have some minor grammar mistakes. My proofreader got upset with me and quit. However, I feel qualified to comment on language anyway. These phrases are overused. THAT'LL WORK. THERE YOU GO. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN and THAT IS SCANDALOUS should not be used anymore. I'm theJEDMAN and that is what I believe. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 5:52 PM

FACTSHEET-JEDMAN

I got on the scale naked at Bally the other day. The one in the mens locker room, not the one on the workout floor. I am at 202 lbs. naked. That is two lbs. away from the goal of 200. It is also Rocky's weight when he fought Hulk Hogan. In the mirror, I look skinnier than I am in real life........

They tinted the windows at Hooter's. What kind of crap is this. It is an outrage. The whole point of Hooter's is to ogle the wait staff. How can I see the line-up on a given night if the windows are tinted........

I never rent movies, but I entered the local Blockbuster the other day. In there was a man who was talking on is cell phone to someone about renting a movie. He went through almost every title on the new release wall. I couldn't get away from him. He kept ending up in the same place I was. It was enough to make you want to punch him in the face, but I would probably get pummeled and end up in jail. You see, that is the part of the plan that I don't like. Then, after I got out of the big house, I would have 50% of my $6.24 salary working the drive through taken away by some lawyer. That is $6.24 take home. Ah, that is life in the JOCO.........

I was duped the other day in Olathe by curbs and landscaping run amuck. I couldn't get to were I wanted to go. Curbs, islands, landscaping, unnecessary traffic lights, etc. blocked my path from every direction. All of this dupped me. It did me in. It is life in the JOCO.........

.: posted by Jed 4:18 PM

I've been listening to this Shakira CD all the time lately. It is pretty good. It is in Spanish, not that English thing she came out with recently. It is all about how she can't get a good man. Her man is bad to her. He leaves her. She doesn't know where his is. It is great. I really like it. I am a little bold profess my love for Shakira right her on the BLOG. I want to take Shakira to dinner and shower her with attention. I've seen Shakira on the MTV with long-haired, unshaven latin guys. Just think of what she's missing, when she could be with a bald man from Kansas. Once you go bald, you never go back. To Shakira, I'm exotic and interesting. A bald man from a foreign land. So, there has to be some BLOG reader that knows someone that knows someone that can email the BLOG to Shakira.Shakira doesn't know what she is missing. She needs to be informed of theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 3:55 PM

Thursday, December 05, 2002

It is winter regarless of what the calendar says. I'm tired of seeing people running into the gym in their shorts and t-shirt. I loath sweaty people who run out of the gym to their car with just a t-shirt and shorts. This is bad cloths weraring policy. It is not my cup of tea. These people are making my health insurance rates higher. This needs to be stopped. No one whould be out without pants and a coat in winter. This is winter, regardless of want the calendar says. The police should be stationed outside of the gym to arrest and prosecute people that don't were pants and a coat in winter. BAN non-coat and non-pant wearing NOW!

.: posted by Jed 7:14 PM

I was stopped at the Metcalf light going easttbound on College. It was frigid outside. This is winter regardless of what the calendar says. A RUBIA pulled up next to me with her window down. It was frigid outside. This is winter regardless of what the calendar says. The window was down. She was a RUBIA. For an instant, I think she was wanting to chat with theJEDMAN. It was just an instant. Then she raised up her cigarrette to flick some ashes out the window. A fatal flaw in the book of theJEDMAN. Risk frostbite for a smoke. That is so JOCO. Next, she raised up her wild cherry Pepsi to take a swig. Another fatal flaw in the book of theJEDMAN. Also, she had her sunglasses on and it was dark outside. 3rd and final fatal flaw in the book of theJEDMAN. The light turned green and she took off eastbound with her window down. This is so JOCO. All about vanity. You know how important vanity is to me. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:05 PM

I was breezing my way through the Triangle the other day when the 3 at 3 came on the 99.7 KY. The theme today was MAGIC. First they played EVERYTHING LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS MAGIC. Then, they played MGIC MAN. Then, they played the MAGIC POWER, the quintessential song from TRIUMPH off their best album 1981's ALLIED FORCES.. TRIUMPH was probably the worse of the Canadian power trios of the 80s. At the time, I thought they were awsome. Now, I don't know why I like them so much. It reminded me of 1985. In May of that year, Bon Chappell, Dave the GEEK, a guy named Mike and I went to the TRIUMPH concert at Kemper Arena with forty three hundred rabid TRIUMPH fans. I remember being in the parking lot pre-show and hearing every beat up camero enter the lot with the MAGIC power blaring out of their rolled down or missing windows aided by a graphic equalizer that was more expensive than the rest of the car. I remember a long haired guy with bandana that sat behind us so wasted that he couldn't open his eyes. I remember the rock and roll kicks ass speach that the drummer gave in the middle of the show. Back then, I hated the drummer. He sang on their worse songs. Today, I probably would still hate them. This concert was past the prime of TRIUMPH. They only did a couple of more albums after this with guitarist Rik(no C) Emment. He later left the band went solo. The only reason I know this is because I saw one of his records in the dollar bin at the record store. I bet when TRIUMPH broke up it sent shock waves from Toronto to Vancouver. 1985 was a pivitol year in the life of theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 6:41 PM

Monday, December 02, 2002

I am a genious. I know it is mindless, non-intellectual and it makes me look a lot less intelligent that I am in real live, but I've been watching dumb, drunk, hot college chicks on elimidate. I have not been able to justify this poor TV watching strategy until now. Before, I would just watch elimidate with a box of donuts. Now, I hit the tread mill. So, I get a half-hour of cardio in and I get to see dumb, drunk, hot, naked college girls on elimidate. It is everything the superfiscial man could want in a TV show. Must see nudity, slurred words and vomiting. Elimidate is trashy, not classy. theJEDMAN.

.: posted by Jed 8:35 PM

Sunday, December 01, 2002

I thought of this the other day when I was watching dumb, hot, drunk, college chicks on elimidate. Back in 1995, I was in the class at Fraser on the KU campus. It was the last day of class and unlike other classes where I was too much of a snob to talk to other people, I had talked to a lot of people in this class. So, I went with some of my classmates down to the Wheel to have some beers. At the Wheel on this night, there was the Pi Phi sorority there. They were having some kind of year end presentations. This was a really hot chick sorority, because all of the girls were hot chicks. Thinking back, they all looked like they could be on the Bachelor. They all looked alike and they all had those back-pack purses too that were the rage in the mid-90s. We were sitting there is a booth and one of the Pi Phis kept telling us in a whiney voice, "Guys, I don't care that you are here, but I what to hear this." over and over again, during the presentations. I began to think that I could get the LPD down here and bust all of these drunk, hot, dumb and underage college chicks, but I was nice. At one point they had a video on the TVs that was just picture after picture of hot, drunk, dumb and underage college girls. Don't worry the weird part is coming up. All of the pictures in the video just had their smiling faces smash against each other. There were so many pictures that were all the same. At this time in my life, I used to drink a lot so, I was kind of hammered at this point. The weird part is, at one point, the girls broke into this chant. This is the weird part. The last line of the chant went something like, ".... and all they really want is a piece of Pi Phi ass." You can't get better entertainment than that. theJEDMAN.