theJEDMAN NATION-A New Wave Manifesto

Documenting the JED Experience

Thursday, April 28, 2005

There is this show on MTV that has people doing plastic surgery to look like their favorite celebrity. Usually the people are young and do not have the qualities coveted by the superficial man. The people are kind of crazy and don't end up looking any better after surgery. On the latest one, I saw this really nice looking woman. She was young, but you couldn't tell until she talked. I never can tell the age until the person talks. So it wasn't really this girl's fault. This chick wanted to look like that Spears girl. She got pumped up up top and got some fat put into her face and some stuff sucked out of there and over there. $25,000 later, she looked like a freak. She looked fine before, but now she had these big balloons protruding out of her chest and got made up and highlighted up into looking like a freak. It was great. Then, she wants to be an exotic dancer and get into the Playboy mansion. Great!. Now you would think that the superficial man would love this show, but I found it kind of disturbing. I felt bad enough looking at early 20 year old girls on TV, but then to have her destroy herself in the name of that Spears girl was too much for me to handle. I lost some faith in humanity and I'm still upset that the Spears girl never graduated high school. theJEDMAN

I went to take care of my parking ticket. When I was leaving the drop off place. This Volvo pulls up behind me. The car was kind of close and it would be a tight fit to back out of my space. There were lots of open spaces there. I motioned to the guy to move, but the person just sat there drinking a soda. I got out of the car and motioned but the freak just sat there. I finally got tired of waiting and I just backed carefully out trying to avoid the car. I drove past the freak and he just kept setting there. They stayed there for a long time as I drove away. It was weird. theJEDMAN

There are three Subways close to where I work. Everything else is a fried food hell. So, I go to the Subway 1 or 2 times a week. Subway is ending the Sub Club Cards. What customer loyalty can I demonstrate now? I sacrificed for the organization and now I get nothing free. I know why they did it because the employees steal those stamps and give them to their friends. I'm being penalized again, just like with Shakira's security force is penalizing her from true love with theJEDMAN. When will the madness end? I think I might have to go to Bridgeport, Connecticut to have a word with Mr. Deluca. Maybe he can get me a lunch date with Shakira over a meatball sub. Then true love can begin for her. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:33 PM

Saturday, April 23, 2005

I was terrible out there. I played the Rosedale course. It was windy. The wind was knocking my discs out of the air. I could have quit, but I didn't. I could have threw in the towel, but I didn't. I enabled myself to continue. I 2 stroked the 5th hole. That was pretty good. I persevered. I was in control of my destiny. I didn't quit. I empowered myself to succeed. I felt really good about myself. I was out there in the park on the course by myself and I really felt good about my accomplishment. Because by learning to love my play on the course, I learned to love myself. Loving yourself is "the greatest LOVE of all." Next week, when I chuck another disc into the trees and can't find it. I'll have to learn to love myself all over again.
I followed these guys to the pin on the 3rd hole. You have to walk back to the tee at 3 to get to 4. When I got to the pin it smelled like they had blazed up. One of them was a long hair. "Dope smoking morons. Don't make me yawn." theJEDMAN

I was watching my Shakira Concert DVD. It has this part on it where Shakira is kissing some guy. The worst part about it is the guy is not me. She was kissing some dark long haired scruffy bearded Latin heartthrob guy. She can get that anywhere. Where can she get the theJEDMAN? Right here in the Midwest. I probably look pretty exotic to her. The problem with the world is security. Shakira is a pop superstar. The way the world is today Shakira is required to have too much security. This is keeping her from achieving the true love that she needs and deserves from theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 4:06 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

I rode my bike 15 miles today and I played disc golf. I was really bad out there at Prairie Center, but I nailed two long puts to get a 2 on two of the holes. On 10, I jacked it in from about 70 feet. It was a great throw. It was luck, but it takes an athlete to get it there to have a chance. I 2 threw that hole. On 12, I nailed another long put this one from 80-90 feet. It was luck again. I hook that sucker in there with my XL driver. It was a good throw. I 2 threw that hole. I'm awesome. I'm theJEDMAN
My bartender was not at my Hooter's on Saturday. It was devastating. I had not been there for awhile. I hope she hasn't ended her term of employment. I might not be able to go there anymore. Plus, some doofus was taking up the good seat next to the beer taps at the bar. That is where the server station is. That is the best place to sit. All the servers have to pick up stuff there at some point in the evening. It is the bar stool coveted by the superficial man. Speaking of the superficial Man. I don't want to get a bad rap for this. There are many kinds of man. There is the intellectual man. There is the sporting man. There is the sensitive man. There is the caring man. There is the respectful man. The is the super buffet connoisseur man.There is the subconscious man. I've been all of these at one time or another in my life. I cannot exist being only the superficial man. It is only a small part of theJEDMAN. It cannot be all encompassing. Things or ideas that are solely superficial bore theJEDMAN in a very short time. Superficial things are not lasting. Superficial things are shallow and lack depth. theJEDMAN needs depth to live. Give theJEDMAN depth! I'll die in the shallow end. Push me out to the deep ocean. It is just that superficial things are good blog material. Mocking superficial things are what my blog fans want and deserve. We are not curing cancer. We are not fixing bad heart rythmn problems. We are only providing social commentary on societal mores. Sometimes when I have a superficial man momment I feel gross and disgusted with myself.
Now for some important blog writing.I've been watching some bad TV lately. I'm into these reality shows. I'm giving my take on them.
*Bachelor-This show is way better than the bachelorette. The women they get on this show are pretty good for the superficial man. They fight, yell at each other and some of them are unstable. They take off their dresses to win the dude. The dudes they get on the bachelorette are too normal, but I guess that they can't put scary dudes on there for the bachelorette. The women get so upset when they get eliminated. It seems that they don't understand anything about odds. They start with 25 girls. There can only be one winner. That is a 4% percent chance of being the winner. Plus, how many swimsuit models from Edmonton, Alberta can there be in the world? They have two on the show. I should be on this show. I'd be good quality TV.
*Amazing Race-You know I've never watched this one before until the recent incarnation. I guess this is the 7th one they have had. This is pretty good. You get to see the places they go pretty good. The last show that had was in India. It was interesting. This show is a little tedious seeing the same people run from place to place over and over. The only problem here is the two of the partner teams on the show that were coveted by the superficial man were eliminated on the first few epidodes. How is the superficial man supposed to keep watching? How is the superficial man supposed to stay interested if the two rubia teams are gone? There is a group of senior citizens left and a couple of alternative guys. Both groups are kind of annoying. I mean I'm not against them. People can do and be whatever they want as long as they are not annoying.
*Next Top Model-You would think the superficial would be watching this one, but not this superficial man. They don't do stunts jor feats of strength. No reason to watch. Sports Illustrated swimsuit model search did stunts and feats of strength. That made it good.
*Fear Factor-I'm convinced that the contestants have to submit full body glossy photos for this one. I like the stunts, but not the gross stuff. I really don't see this one very much.
*American Idol-I hate it. I refuse to watch it. It is unfortunate.
*Apprentice-I like this one, but the latest edition has eliminated all contestants coveted by the superficial man. There is one semi-cute woman left, but she has a name that I don't like. I would break up with her just because of her name which is a purely superficial reason.
*Chasing Farrah-This is pretty good. I think Farrah has gotten a bad rap. She's not too dumb, but I think she is victim of her fame I think fame turns most people into freaks. How could she not be some sort of freak when one of her fans gets her to autograph is arm and he goes and gets it permanently tattooed. I think being famous means that one stupid thing you do gets played on TV over and over. Farrah doesn't look too bad. She is 59 years olds. She' a little hagy, but she's alright. Jaclyn Smith and Cheyl Ladd probably have aged better, but all three of them have qualities coveted by the superficial man. Plus, Farrah was with the Six Million Dollar Man. Six Million Baby! I watched the show they shot at her parents home right before her mother died. It was touching. I had a tear in my eye.
*Nick and Jessica are done, so they have this tattooed freak on the MTV with this hot rubia. I have no idea who these people are, but I can't stand looking at tattoo dude. Plus, they have kids together. So, I won't be TIVOing that one. It freaks me out too much. I don't really have TIVO anyway.
*Desperate Housewives-I know it is not reality, but it is pretty good for the superficial man. If a place like that really existed, boys from all over the city would be infiltrating that neighborhood looking and fighting to do all kinds of landscaping at the homes of those women.
*Contender-It's ok. I like the stunts they do. I hate the intimate family scenes. I'm just not a big enough boxing fan to watch.
OUT! theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:58 PM

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I'm going to talk about sports again even though this may be kind of boring. Coach Roy won the title. I was hoping he would win to shut up all the Jayhawk fans that are still crying about him leaving and being a traitor. His big win hasn't seemed to work. Coach Roy gave you 15 years of top 10 basketball to the Jayhawks. There was never an 17-11 season in there. 25 wins a year was the norm. He ended the competitive rivalry with KSU. At the time when KU and KSU played in the regional final in 1988, they had similar basketball histories. KU might have had more, but KSU was not too far behind. Coach Roy killed the rivalry by never losing to them.
Sure Larry Brown won the title in 1988. He is a great coach. He had probably one of the greatest college players of all time on his team. The rest of the team were nice players and they played way over their heads to win that championship. The point being here is that KU could have easily gone downhill at the time when Coach Roy came. He won imedialty with a bunch of nice players. I don't think anyone until Sexy Rexy Walters played in the NBA from Coach Roy's teams. There was a 30 win season Roy's second year there. Coach Roy gave KU fans great basketball.
Coach Roy is a good guy. Is he not supposed to leave after 15 years of excellence in one place? 15 years is a long time to Coach or even hold the same job anywhere. Is Coach Roy not supposed to take a phone call from a former player if he receives one? It is his duty as an educator to do this. Coach Roy had family in Carolina and family issues that may have warranted him to go back. Is he not allowed to do this? Many people would do what Coach Roy did. I feel that KU fans should be celebrating what Coach Roy has done and did at KU, not saying bad things about him.
I'm writing this and I don't even really like basketball that much anymore. I don't like the way the game is played. Sure, I watch the games, but not all the time. The players just stand around and shoot three pointers or they steamroll someone in the post. No one moves anymore away from the ball. No one has a mid-range game. No one has any good post moves anymore. The game bores me. The college game has more or less turned in the NBA. The only reason to watch is to see the last two minutes of close game. I'm out. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 1:47 PM

Sunday, April 03, 2005

I got to watch the final four on a big TV. After the games, I got to go clubbing. I' hadn't been clubbing for a long time. I got to experience FUEL. FUEL is a club in the South Creek City Urban Core. It is dangerous. FUEL has an auto racing theme, even though there is not much auto racing stuff there. They have some car rims and a car hood on the ceiling. They got a lot of TV's. One of which played motorcycle stunts ove and over. FUEL had really loud heay metal music playing the whole time. It was loud. You had to scream at people to talk to them. But, the real deal with FUEL is the servers. The servers are all little girls with little shirts and little pants. About every 15 minutes or so the servers get up on the bar and dance. Women from the clients are allowed to get up on the bar and dance as well. This is a pretty good sight for the superficial man. One of the servers was heavily tattooed all over her back. I wondered what will happened to her when she gets old and wrinkled. You won't be able to see the tattoo. It will look like a big distorted skin cancer splotch. There were a lot of women in there. There were a lot of tattoos and dangling jewelry on the mid-section. I've never been a fan of mid-section hard wear, especially hard wear that dangles. Dangling mid-section wear is not classy in the world of theJEDMAN. I tell you the tops on girls keep getting smaller and smaller. I don't remember it being that way back in my formative years in the 1980s. With this kind of fashion trend, the superficial man will live on. The part of the brain that is the superficial man will always be entertained. We'll see how different it is in about six months from now on my next clubbing adventure. Now let's measure FUEL on the skank-o-meter. I give FUEL a 7. out of 10. For the score to be higher the entertainment needs to get more trashy and I need to feel threats to my physical well-being.
I should be getting an expense account to do this. I could go around and review clubbing venues. It would be great. People would be really trying to make my experience in their club great. I would get free meals and free drinks, because theJEDMAN is the voice of reason in the metro area. I have qualifications for this. I have social science degrees. I am educated man with powerful insights that can make or break hot spots. I can build a club up into a financial empire or I can crush a club out of business. I'm theJEDMAN. I'm out. theJEDMAN

Hey, I played disc golf with some pros. I played with pros. I played pretty good, but those dude throw that disc all the way to the pin sometimes. A good throw for me is getting it half way to the pin. I don't know if I'll ever be able to throw it that far. My upper back gets kind of jacked up and I don't think I have the strength. Oh well, I played with pros. They were drinking beer on the course. I learned some disc golf etiquette. These clowns were into, but maintained a certain amount of control to have fun out there wtithout being too intense. It was great. theJEDMAN