theJEDMAN NATION-A New Wave Manifesto

Documenting the JED Experience

Sunday, November 30, 2003

I got to hang out with the S-man. He is an excellant host. He gave me a snack of fruit at his home. He could have given me snoballs, little debbies, little smokies, pork, fried cheese or any other snack that is bad for you. Yet, he gave me fruit. Bananas, tangerines and apples were the flavor of the day. You suck, if you don't eat fruit. Everything I am today is because of fruit. Fruit has been good to theJEDMAN. Fruit rocks. theJEDMAN eats fruit. theJEDMAN rocks. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 12:32 PM

SHANIA!. I went to the big Shania Twain Arena Power Pop Country Rock Show. It was great! Now, I don't know much about music, but I know a lot about fashion.
I predicted 17 costume changes during the show. There were only three. Shania came out to start the show in a Dante Hall Chief's jersey, sparkled white shoes and blue jeans. It was a good choice for the home town fans, but not a good choice for the superficial man. Halfway through the show, she escaped into the hole and came back with a form fitting blue and white sleeveless top with baggy black skater pants and pro wrestling boots. Ok, getting better. Later, Shania came up with a Royals jersey, black pants and black shoes. Now, from the viewpoint of the superficial man, we were duped. Shania has made a career on the mid-drift. I've been seeing it and dreaming of it my whole life. Finally, when I get to see her live and in person, she covers it up. Shania, I have so little to live for. How could you do this to me? It was a devastating blow for the superficial man, but she still looked hot with the regular girl look. It made me want to date her.
Anyway the show was good. It wasn't the spiritual awakening that the Liz Phair show was, but I would date Shania and take her to a movie and get a soda. I'm totally obsessed with Liz Phair to the point of being deranged and psychotic. Both Shania and Liz are my celebrity girlfriends, but for different reasons. I don't think Shania is given the credit she probably deserves for her talent, even though no one can figure out what she is. She's not country. She's not pop. She's not rock. What is she? But, I don't like to use labels, because I could never figure out who was a punker and who was a poser when I was in college. The show was uplifting. It was powerful. It was empowering. When I left the arena, man, I sure felt like a woman. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 9:56 AM

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

BUSTED! I got nailed in the JOCO. I bought the regular coffee at the designer cooperate coffee house, thus severely damaging their profit margin. Then, I took it to the public school American football game. I got paranoid that they wouldn't let me in with it, so I put it in the pocket of my coat. I walked through the gate and this security guy stopped me, because he saw the bulge in my pocket. I pulled out my coffee. Then he grabs the police officer. The police officer asked me if I was a student. I'm 37. I've been told I look young, so I think I could pass for 27, but I can't pass for 17. Then the police officer asked me if I got anything in their that he should know about. Yeah, I'm 37 and I'm sneaking in booze to a high school game. I'm dumb, but I'm not an idiot. It was quite the scam on my part. They totally missed the flask strapped to my ankle, because I'm such the raging alcoholic. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 9:10 PM

Monday, November 17, 2003

The S-man is the only one that understands theJEDMAN. The S-man supports theJEDMAN's obsessions. theJEDMAN and the S-man went on a two man collision course with one goal in mind. theJEDMAN had to obtain the entire Liz Phair CD catalog. The mission was successful. The mission was cost effective. theJEDMAN and the S-man did it for Liz man. Liz is the ultimate power pop rock goddess. Liz has created a spiritual awakening in theJEMAN. theJEDMAN worships at the Iglesia of Liz Phair. theJEDMAN has been to the mountain. theJEDMAN has seen Liz. Liz is good. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 8:19 PM

Sunday, November 16, 2003

I was out on the town with a friend of mine. He didn't get to the ATM. No big deal. We had some dinner. We got some coffee. We had a couple of beers. I bought us each a suit. We picked up about 10 new CD's a piece. I got him a car. We bought a bass boat to share. We bought his mom a new house. We got plane tickets to Tierra del Fuego. Then, after I pay for all of this, the doofus finds $20 in his wallet. Like the loser didn't know the $20 was there. I was duped, but hey, I got the money. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 8:36 PM

Saturday, November 15, 2003

I got to hang with theQUICK. You should never pass up an opportunity to hang with theQUICK. You should skip a final exam to hang with theQUICK. You should blow off your wedding to hang with theQUICK. You should miss you child being born to hang with theQUICK. theQUICK is where the action is at.
We watched the underdogs win. Then we went to this establishment. Hyannisport showed up. People kept buying me and theQUICK drinks. Nobody can get enough of theQUICK. AT this club, there were a lot of luscious rubias. I never saw so many beautiful girls at one place in the JOCO before. It was quite the feat for the superficial man. Even the server was pretty. She was so cute. The place was packed and we were standing by the server area at the bar. She kept walking by me back and forth getting more drinks. I was so in love with her. I tried to get up the nerve to say something like, working hard or hardly working. I didn't. I was shy. Then, she stretched and leaned to get something. Her shirt rode up her contoured body exposing a huge tailbone tattoo. I was crushed. It was the ultimate red flag. The stunning death blow. The end of what could have been beautiful. My heart was ripped into pieces Our love would never come to be. So I staggered home alone again. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 10:44 AM

Friday, November 14, 2003

I was so incredibally duped. I taped elimidate because it was a two parter, but the schedule changed and I ended up taping another show. I got screwed out of my elimidate. Now I can't find out who the guy picked that had all the chicks at his mom's house. This is devestating. Give me elimidate now, or give me death.

.: posted by Jed 4:09 PM

Thursday, November 13, 2003

This New Years Eve, the party is going down at Stu's Midtown Tavern. Get your ass down to Stu's. Stu's Midtown Tavern. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 9:26 PM

I did a bad thing. It is really bad. I taped elimidate. I had no choice it was a two parter. It was too be continued. It was great because the dude had all the chicks at his mom's house. I was duped. They sucked me into watching it and then it ended without 3 chicks left on the table. I got duped into out of the 22 minutes that I signed up for. I can't be expected to watch a 44 minutes of one elimidate episode. I haven't watched it yet. So, there is still hope. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 9:24 PM

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

After 10 weeks of NFL season, I'm leading my office pool in total correct picks. Plus, I'm in first place in the Topflight Fantasy Football League's South Division. I'm number one. I'm in first place. I'm a winner. I'm the new champion. I'm #1. I'm the greatest. I'm the new champion. I'm theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:50 PM

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Some clown in another country keeps acusing me of liking sports. He talks as if sports are my one and only passion. It is like I turn on ESPN when I get home an never turn it off in his eyes. It is true that at one time I really paid a lot of attention to sports. Part of that is because I needed an outlet because of my lackluster career choices of earlier in my life. Now, I'm a passive fan. I go to a lot of games, just because I have this cooperate connection. I like the pagentry and the atmosphere of the games. Sometimes the spectacle is better than the game itself. I watch NFL on tv, but not the 12 hours possible each week like I used to. I never watch NBA or NHL. I rarely watch baseball. I sometimes watch NCAA basketball, but it does not dominate and rule my life. I don't read about sports a whole lot. I can barely stand sports talk radio anymore. Anymore indepth conversations about games bore me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm a passive fan, not a fanatic.
So, what is my passion. Two words, LIZ and PHAIR. LIZ PHAIR is the only prudent passion for theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN has worshiped at the power pop slut rock alter of LIZ PHAIR. theJEDMAN has witnessed the ordinary average sane pshyco super-goddess, LIZ PHAIR. LIZ PHAIR live was a spiritual awakening for theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN stood in ahhhhhhhh of the vision, LIZ PHAIR for all 85 minutes of her power pop slut rock set. Everything theJEDMAN is today, is because of LIZ PHAIR. theJEDMAN does not make a decision without thinking about what LIZ would do. LIZ is the ultimate rockand pop star. LIZ is an image of beauty so triumphant and unseen in the history of the eyes of theJEDMAN. LIZ is it, baby. LIZ is the one. LIZ is a powerhouse of rock, femininity, love, soul, being, categorical awareness, ect. Being with LIZ has allowed theJEDMAN to clense the doors of perception. With LIZ, theJEDMAN can see infinity and has achieved total consciousness. LIZ. LIZ. LIZ. LIZ. LIZ. LIZ. LIZ. LIZ.

.: posted by Jed 7:47 PM

I was at some cheeseball JOCO eatery the other night. I was walking by the hostess stand. The two young girls there were freaking out because someone who only spoke Spanish was on the phone. I told them to let me talk to them. The guy wanted to know if the wait was long. I said there were a lot of people waiting for a table. It was an impressive display. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 7:36 PM

Thursday, November 06, 2003

I took a one man demolisition crew into the PORT. I went solo to the Liz Phair rock and roll show at the cowboy bar. It was awesome. It was nirvana. It was enlightenment. It was 20 bucks. It was made for the superfiscial man. I've been recently reinfatuated with Liz Phair ever since I found out that she was my age. Plus, I started listening closely to her power babe pop style. I love Liz. So, I got it in my mind that I had to go even if going meant flying solo. I have no fear of being in a public place alone. Several years ago I went to Iron Maiden solo. It was awesome.
Anyway I was stupid. I got there too early and had to sit through a couple of sub par groups. There were plenty of dopes there solo. It was hard to fine who was the biggest dope. It could have been me. Right before Liz came on a really hot dressed up rubia came and asked if she could sit at my table. Even though, I thought if my ruin my chances with Liz, I said yes, but then her date wanted to sit there to. I relunctantly let him. Liz came out and rocked the house. She was dressed with the superfiscial man in mind. It was pretty good. There were a couple of dopes in the front row that danced like they were too into the music. I bet they pissed off Liz. They grabbed her hand at one point and tried to not let go and all the pointing they did was annoying, Also, they sang every word to every song. Before the show was over, this security guard gave me a bus pass for after the show. So, I hung around and went to the bus. They let me on. I walked to the back and it was just me and Liz. She said come on over. She looked so hot. Suddenly, I forgot my name, ran out the door, got on my bike and peddled home. theJEDMAN

.: posted by Jed 5:14 PM

Monday, November 03, 2003

-I was at this place where you had to make your own toast. I plopped my toast in the toaster. The toast next to mine started smoking. I just stood there and watched it smoke. This chick raced over to get the toast out. I was hoping it would burn some more. theJEDMAN
-I'm down on the coffee in the USA. I miss the cafe con leche of Spain. I can't get that here. It is way better than the $8 latte. I'm just drinking the regular coffee now. I'm not buying into the designer coffee system. However, I yearn for the cafe con leche that I had in Spain everyday that only cost a buck or buck and a half. theJEDMAN
-I got sconed. I was at the cooperate coffee house and this coffee maker chick tried to upsell me a scone. They were trying to make the greatest sales increase would get new aprons. I refuse to be upsold. Plus, a scone sounds like something that I don't want to eat. They need a new name for it. theJEDMAN
-Check out the