theJEDMAN NATION-A New Wave ManifestoDocumenting the JED Experience Monday, March 31, 2003I got to hang with theQUICK last weekend. theQUICK is the greatest. theQUICK is the best. Any day hanging with theQUICK is a good day. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 6:01 PMI broke out my cap for the opening ball game. I hadn't worn it since last season. It fit looser and a lot better than last season. This confirms the fact that I've lost weight in my head. My head is smaller. My head has less mass. My head has less circumference.I'm less of a fat head now, than I used to be. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 5:58 PMSunday, March 30, 2003I don't eat hardly any fried food anymore, but the other day I put down a breast, wing and leg from the coronal. It sat in my stomach like a rock. Later, I was watching the Hawks at a club. My stomach got so queasy that I thought I was going to evacuate druing the tense part of the game. I ended up being ok. Later, I was taken to the velvet room. The velvet room is where all the beautiful people go in the JOCO. I always think I'm a snob, until I go to a place like the velvet room. I even danced with a chick to the beat of the funk band. I was awesome on the dance floor. Chicks were staring at me and the total package that is theJEDMAN. I drank a few beers, then Sasha brought me a pitcher of water, because I have to drink a lot of water. At the end of the evening a chick gave me a ride home. She slowed down long enough for me to jump out of her car safely. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 1:36 PMWednesday, March 26, 2003I'm single. I have no wife or girlfriend. When I'm out about the town, I look at girls all the time. At times the people I'm with will point out girls to me that I've already checked out. When they do this they always say, "just helping you out." "Just helping you out" is what they say.Usually the girls they point out are either really young and wearing body glitter, or they are some really tough lookiing broads that scare me. They're, "just helping me out." I can look at girls and not talk to them by myself. I don't really need anyone pointing out girls to me, because I've already checked them out and I have not talked to them. If you really want to, "just help me out." Introduce me to some girls that fit theJEDMAN's criteria: intelligent, pretty, professional, 30-40, limited baggage, not too tall, etc. I think Shakira will fit these requieremnts. Introduce her to me. I'm the love that she doessn't know exits. She's being cheated out of love that she doesn't know about. That is the real travesty. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 7:56 PMI went to Arizona last weekend with old people. If you go to Arizona in the winter time you have to go with old people, because it is the law. We stayed in Scottsdale with the beautiful people and there were a lot of beautiful people walking around. I fit in pretty well. Plus, I love the desert. It is great. I love cacti. They're so prickley. I saw three baseball games, Royals-A's, Cubs-Giants, Mariners-A's. It was fun. I don't like watching baseball on TV. I only like watching it at the game. These spring training stadiums were great. They have a grass berm in the outfield that people sit on blankets to watch the game. I walked out there from my premium seating everygame to view a prized social phenonmena: HOT DRUNK SUNBATHING GIRLS. There were plenty of HOT DRUNK SUN-BATHING GIRLS, expecially at the Cubs-Giants game. It was great. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 7:44 PMSunday, March 16, 2003The OVERLAND PARK STREETFIGHTER
.: posted by Jed 7:26 PMSaturday, March 15, 2003I was walking on a trail in a Missouri lake/recreation area the other day after work. I walked out for 30 minutes and then walked back. On the way back, I could see the parking lot and some guy was sitting on my car. He appeared to be and older man. I was thinking, "What is that old man doing sitting on the GOLDEN JOCO RETRIEVER." I got closer and closer and the guy was still sitting on the GOLDEN JOCO RETRIEVER. I thought, "Man, I might have to kick some butt." This is a scary proposition because I'm not really very tough and we are far from out fiberglass JOCO world.There are no curbs and landscapring here. I don't feel strong without my curbs and landscaping. Curbs and landscaping give me power. They are like Popeye's spinach for me or Superman's phone booth. I kept getting closer and the guy didn't move. Then suddenly a consusion bomb went off in my head. He was not sitting on my car at all. It was a pick up that had a nose that looked like mine. My car was parked several cars down the row. It was a good thing because someone would have got is butt kicked and it probably would have been me. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 5:01 PMThis entry is unfortunate. DON"T READ IT. I've been walking a lot. I went on a 90 minute walk this morning on the trail winds through the fiiberglass world of the JOCO. I was "somewhere between the bright lights and the far unlit unknown". Even though I was experiencing a lot of nature on my walk( I love nature by the way), the closeby fiberglass world of the JOCO, could not "sooth my restless dreams of youth." I don't know where I'm going with this. I just wanted to use the word FIBERGLASS again. I used to use that word all the time in the late 80's.theJEDMAN By the way, credit should be given to the canadian power trio that I ripped off for the quotes. I used to listen to them a lot 20 years ago, even though they didn't have one song about a chick. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 4:46 PMFriday, March 14, 2003A lot of my fans like to hear stories about theJEDMAN and chicks. So, by popular demand, here is a story. A few years ago, when I lived in Lawrence, I got be with an older european cosmopolitan beautiful woman. She was really great. Well, she is really great. She just lives too damn far away now. Anyway, I used to go out with her and hang out with theBARCELONA BAD BOY The beautiful european cosmopolitan woman would want to go home at midnight like a normal person, but I would always hang out drinking with theBARCELONA BAD BOY until you had to go home. This is no slight to the BARCELONA BAD BOY. No one was more fun from 1985-1995 than theBARCELONA BAD BOY. At that time, theBARCELONA BAD BOY was "theFUN." 1985-1995 was the golden age of theBARCELONA BAD BOY. So, many nights I drank in cheap Lawrence bars looking at drunk hot underage sorority girls with theBARCELONA BAD BOY, when I could have been spending extra time with the beautiful older european cosmopolitan woman. This was not a class move by theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 5:37 PMThursday, March 13, 2003Last weekend, I had an opportunity to get $18 fiberglass coffees with a somewhat fabulous woman. When she called me to tell me she was home and to tell me she free the rest of the afternoon, I said this, in classic JEDMAN style, "I'm watching the basketball game." Instead of saying I'll be right down there. I said, "I'm watching the basketball game." Instead of saying what time are we meeting. I said, "I'm watching the basketball game." Instead of saying, where do I go, I'll be there in 10 minutes. I said, "I'm watching the basketball game." It was an impressive and class move by theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 8:12 PMWednesday, March 12, 2003I just got done going to the bathroom at one of my buildings. I was walking down the hall when I looked at my feet and a dryer sheet was hanging out of my pant leg. No one saw me, so I don't get the glory associated with that. However, it is still embarrassing in two areas. First, the obvious of having the dryer sheet hanging out of my pants is bad enough. On the other hand, having access to dryer sheets and using them is more embarrassing for the manly JEDMAN. It is catagorically much worse. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 6:52 PMSunday, March 09, 2003This is great. Keep reading. I was going to do some laundry. I gathered it up and took it to the laundry room and put it in the machine. Then I was hanging around for a few minutes. Suddenly, I went in to check on my wash and the washer was empty, but the dryer was running. I opened the dryer and I had put my dirty dry cloths in the dryer, instead of where they should go in the washer. It was the ultimate bonehead move of my life. I was in the middle of nimrodarama. It has to be a record. There can't have been someone else in the history of large home appliances that could have possibly done such a feat. I'm the record holder. I'm the greatest. I'm theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 1:41 PMThursday, March 06, 2003It has taken me 3 years, but I finally figured out a name for my motor vehicle. "The GOLDEN JOCO RETRIEVER." Here comes theJEDMAN in the GODLEN JOCO RETRIEVER. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 8:00 PMI probably look like a dork, but I wear ball caps in the winter. The dome just can't take that slicing winter windchill. I've noticed lately the hats in my rotation have been fitting a little looser and I haven't adjusted them at all. Therefore, I've lost fat off of my head. I'm not as big a fat head as I used to be. This is a triumphant moment for theJEDMAN. I've dropped over 30 pounds in the last 2 years. This is good for me except that my head was looking bigger and bigger. I'm like an overgrown cartoon character. Now, my dome is getting smaller. With this head downsizing, I could be losing intelligence, but I'll take a loss of intelligence to have a head in proper porportion. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 7:58 PMMonday, March 03, 2003I was just walking through the park by the lake. I was minding my own business side-stepping the canadian geese debris on the asphalt trail. I guess I got a little to close to one of them and it freaked out. I guess I pissed off the wrong goose. This goose came after theJEDMAN. I tried to run. I tried to hide. I tried to run and hide, but this goose kept coming after me. Then, other geese joined the melee. There was pecking and hissing. There was hissing and pecking. It was a barage of water fowl coming after theJEDMAN. It was relentless. It was loud. It was painful. Then, if this wasn't enough, here come the ducks. The ducks pecked, bit and chewed the flesh of theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN was bloodied and bruised. theJEDMAN was devestated and crushed. However, theJEDMAN is a survivor. theJEDMAN overcomes. He is theJEDMAN. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 7:24 PM |
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