theJEDMAN NATION-A New Wave ManifestoDocumenting the JED Experience Tuesday, April 29, 2003I was stopping at this intersection when I saw one of my clients crossing the street in front of me. Briefly, I thought about steamrolling him because even though I kind of like him, he causes me a lot of trouble. He is the same guy I tried to nail with he nerf football. It would have been a bone crushing, bloodspilling, brain rattling instant death for him. Even though it is wrong to hurt people, my biggest problem with this plan is me having to go to jail for such a repulsive act of violence. This was the part of the plan that I didn't like. Instread, I really freaked him out by yelling at him out of the window. He loved me for it. I'm glad I seem to exhibt self-control with great frequency. This may keep me from having fun, but it keeps me out of trouble. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 10:01 PMSunday, April 27, 2003I was on my way home the other night when I decided to stop in for a beer at Tanner's. It had been a long time since I went out for a beer. It has even been longer since I had been to Tanner's. I wanted to do it for theQUICK. theQUICK is the greatest. As it turned out, the girl at the door checking ID's was so beautiful that it made me want to get hammered there every night. I sat on the bar stool and I ordered my beer from the girl bartender and she mentioned to me what a beautiful day it was and then she told me about the Kenny Chesney concert the next night and assured me it was going to be a good time. I told her it will be a good time, but that I had spent all my money on the Red Hot Chili Peppers. She acted impressed with that. I've never had a female bartender make that much small talk with me. She was a class babe. She had a butterfly tatoo on her tailbone that was highly visible. I love the tailbone tatoo. I'm thinking about making it a requirement in my dating of women. No tailbone tatoo, no JEDMAN. It is probably obvious that I tipped her a lot. After, I drank those 2 beers I was so full. I think my stomach has shrunk. I remember a day when I drank a lot more than that and ate Burger King afterward. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:36 AMAt the ball park, my place in the line up jacked one out of the park. I scored $8 in the quarter game, including a buck for theQUICK. theQUICK is the greatest. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:21 AMI committed an incredible bonehead move the other day. It may be the biggest bonehead move of theJEDMAN's career. There was a storm outside and I was watching TV. Suddenly, the cable goes out. None of the channels worked except channel 3. I waited and waited for it to pop back on, but it never did. I even started reading a book as I waited. After a couple of hours, I went to another room checked the TV. It worked. I came back and checked the cable lines. Nothing appeared to be wrong. Then, it popped in my head to check the VCR. The power was on, so no wonder only channel 3 worked. I missed two hours of prime time TV coverage. How will I recover? The weird thing is the VCR remote was shut up in my desk. I barely even use the VCR anymore. I don't know how the power came on. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:18 AMWednesday, April 23, 2003This blog tells you about the JOCO and the fiberglass world that is the JOCO. I read in the paper that there is an adult kickball league. KICKBALL played by adults in the JOCO. This is insane. They probably keep statistics and have individual trophies at the end of the season. Let's keep inventing sports until people in the JOCO find one that only people in the JOCO are good at.That's JOCO. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 5:52 PMI almost brawled with a couple of mormons the other day. I was walking in through a neighborhood in the JOCO when I came upon a couple of mormons. They stop me and let me know what they were doing walking through the JOCO. I was polite and said that I was not interested and I didn't want to waste their time when they could be helping someone else. After I declined, they pressed the issue of their promulgation. I stood up and told them they had every right to promulgate, but when they push after the decline that is salesmenship. I feel that promulgation is ok, but salesmen ship is wrong. Religion is there for the taking. It should not be sold. I'm going to have to call up the Latterday Saints and take them down like I did Smoothie King. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 5:48 PMI need to get out of the house, so lately I've been frequently the cooperate beverage place. Plus, I need to be out among the people to do research for the blog. Anyway, I got my cooperate beverage and sat in the arm chair in the store. As soon as I sat down and I opened my book( yeah, I know how to read), this worker descides to push vacuum the area around me. She moved all the furniture and cleaned and vacuumed in close proximity. She did everything except tell me to raise my feet. Now, I've been in retail and restaurant business in the past and this is a major customer service error. You just don't vacuum the floor that close to customers. You pick up and clean tables, but vacuuming is out of the question. I'm going to have to call up the cooperate beverage offices and take them down like I did to the smoothie king. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 5:36 PMFriday, April 18, 2003theQUICK reads the blog. Not only does he read the blog, but he reads the blog without being told. theQUICK supports the blog. The rest of you could learn a lot from theQUICK. Also, theQUICK comments on the blog. theQUICK loves the blog. theQUICK sends real emails. theQUICK is the greatest. I wish I had more friends like theQUICK. The positive energy that I get from theQUICK is enough to keep the blog going. I wish I could do more for theQUICK. I love theQUICK. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:47 AMWednesday, April 16, 2003I was messing around with a couple of my clients the other day. We went outside to toss the football around. I sent this one client out deep. This client is kind of a pain, so as he was going out I tried to nail him with the nerf football in the back of the head. I tried to hit him but I missed. He would have loved it if I would have pegged him. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:27 PMTuesday, April 15, 2003I know that one day between all the lower mortgage rates, porn, insurance, porn, free credit reports, and more porn, chain jokes and even more porn. I will actually receive a real email message from a real person. I know this will happen. I can hear this person breathing. It is going to happen. I can see the text in my mind right now. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:32 PMRecently, in multiple states and with multiple people, I have seen many beer drinkers squeezing tons of limes into Coors Light draws. First of all this is a rotton cocktail choice. Second, there is really no reason to drink Coors Light post fraternity party going years when you could down 15 to 20 of them in a given night, puke and drink 5 more. People, step up to a better beer. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:23 PMIt has been warm lately. I have witnessed a couple of times already this spring season a fashion trend that I wish would have gone away long ago.. I've seen the dreaded skort on girls. The skirt in the front, shorts in the back look. Hot in the front and disappointing in the back. This is a devestating fashion choice for the leering man, such as myself. I hope this look goes away soon. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:16 PMSunday, April 13, 2003There are a lot of houses in FIBERGLASS LAND that have big elaborate wooden decks all over the place. The funny thing is no one in the JOCO can tear themselves away from electonic devices to actually sit on them. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 8:15 PMIt is the new wave to hang out in book stores, buy nothing and drink $18 designer drinks. I've experienced this lately. Over several visits, I've almost read a whole book and I've only bought one $18 designer drink. I'm beating the system baby. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 8:13 PMSaturday, April 12, 2003TourJEDMAN was unattended today. No one came, but this confirmed my belief that no one actually reads the blog. That's OK. I still live on-line and I'm a giant in my own mind. My readers need to take advantage of these personel appearances. They won't happen all the time. You guys are missing out. Since I was by myself, I ate big chuncks of zucchini and read free newspapers. I witnessed this person ask for a water cup without buying anything. Then, she filled it up with soda. It was theft. After lunch, I kind of went through theJEDMAN's day of fun. I hit the driving range and thumped some balls. I'm not a golfer. I'm a hacker. I hacked that ball about 50 yards several times. Every tenth ball or so, I really get a good 200 plus yard straight drive, but most of the time I hook, slice or miss the ball completely. Next, I got in the batting cage. I couldn't hit the ball. I fouled off, popped up and went down swinging many times. I tried it left handed and I struck out several times. I'm going to have to hit the cage again. Then, I went to the park. I sat on the life guard chair on the beach. There were a lot of ducks swimming near the shore. They were lucky I was there to protect them. One went under once, I thought I was going to have to call headquarters, grab the life preserver, and run to save the duck. There might even be mouth to bill recessitation. Then, the duck surfaced on its own and it swam away. It was a close call. Later, I went stormtrooping along the shore. There were a lot of people's from other countries in the park today. Taking advantage of a nice day is good. It beats sitting around playing play station all day like a lot of americans do. Well, there will be another tourJEDMAN stop. It might be at the BURRITO KING. Details will follow. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:58 PMThursday, April 10, 2003I'm huge. For about a month, I have been working out on my Chuck Norris Total Gym 1000 that I bought on ebay for $120. I've gained mass and my stabalizer muscles have really benefitted from the Chuck Norris Total Gym 1000. I've made a lot of strides to my fitness goals. Soon, I'll need a female person to oil me down for competitions. I think that I'm going to end my Bally membership. I make more excuses for not going than I actually go. I'm going to invest that $45 a month membership fee in a BOWFLEX to go along my Chuck Norris Total Gym 1000. With that combination of home professional quality fitness equipment, I might lose the rest of the girth. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 9:13 PMWednesday, April 09, 2003It is theJEDMAN restaurant tour. theJEDMAN selects a metro eatery, date and time. theJEDMAN shows up in a rare public appearance. Catch theJEDMAN at STOP #1. Papa Keno's, Downtown Overland Park, Saturday, April 12, 2003 at 12:00 PM(noon). .: posted by Jed 8:44 PMWednesday, April 02, 2003I was walking on the nature trail through the suburbs. I passed a woman with a baby in a stroller and another young child. The young child walked over to the creek next to the trail. There was a high embankment up above the creek. The mom said don't get too close. The kid walked right to the edge. So, what do you think happened next?
.: posted by Jed 8:32 PMTHIS ONE IS NO GOOD. DON'T READ IT. The other day I went on one of my nature walks through suburbs. I walked for two hours. I passed one of those cooperate coffee places on the way and I stopped in. I ordered the decaf of the day and took a seat on the easy chair. I read one of those free newpapers. I sipped my decaf. I started to think, man I make fun of people that do this. I'm being pretentious. but no one was looking at me. If no one looks can it be pretentious? I think not. I slammed my coffee, burned my tongue and got the hell out of there. theJEDMAN .: posted by Jed 8:22 PM |
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